October 2010: I'd been diagnosed with PCOS in December and they showed me why I wouldn't be able to have some kids without a lot of help.
December: Stopped taking the Metformin because it made my stomach hurt (It's for the insulin resistance) and came to terms with not being able to have kids since I wasn't going to take that crap.
January: Re-Meet the deadbeat. I knew him before but he had a girlfriend. Little did I know he was an asshole in sheeps clothing.
End of January beginning of February: He and I have an arrangement. We're both grown and single, you know. Terms are not to "catch feelings" and have fun. Got it
Febuary: Mom passes on, I re-evaluate my life and realize this dude isn't worth the time. I don't need to let someone try and use me, wtf am I doing? He only wants my poonanny and to marry me for my medical benefits and I already know this. Time to end it. Ended it when I got back around the 25th of Feb
March: Go through mourning, then a birthday. While out with my friends one of them tells me I'm pregnant after I tell her how I've been feeling. I didn't believe her. We went to the movies and I was feeling extra juicy down there so I decided to tampon it up. Couldn't get the tampon in and it felt like there was a hard balloon in my girl area. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit! What is my friend was right? That never Ever happened before!! What the hell is that? Maybe it's a cyst, or I'm having a weird reaction to something, but I haven't changes soaps or anything, oh shit, oh shit!
March 21st: I break down an pee on the pregnancy stick I keep at the house just in case. First positive ever in my life. I think that can't be right. I'm not supposed to be able to have kids. It's probably a false positive. Can't be right. I call over a friend of a friend and he takes me to Walgreens because my roommate has the car. I get 1 of each type of pregnancy test, pee in a cup and put pee on them all. All come out positive. I let the only guy I was sleeping with in the year 2011 know that hey. I'm pregnant. At this point I have no idea how far along I am because hey I have PCOS! I could be anywhere from a week to 3 months pregnant. Ohhh my god!!! Ugh. I cried a little. I was scared. I never wanted to be a single mother. I didn't even want to be a mother until I was ready and oh yea, I'd already come to terms that I couldn't have kids so this was wayyy out of my league that day.
March 22nd He texts me back.
Later in March: We meet and he's happy and says he's going to do everything he can to help me and the baby. I'm relieved and glad this wasn't going to be difficult (little did I know then)
A few days after the meet I have an emergency. I get into work and I'm bleeding. A lot. I don't know if this is an emergency because I've never been pregnant and people have periods while pregnant sometimes. I call the nurse and they told me to go to the hospital immediately cramping and bleeding = emergency. I go, call him and he asks me if I need him there because he's going to get his car fixed in a couple hours. I told him my Roommate was there so I guess no. We're there 6 hours. after 4 hours he calls and asks again if I need him there. I say no, because my roommates there. Technically I don't need him. I was disappointed and wary that he didn't want to come even after he got the car fixed. I took that as point 1 of his priority level. Despite what he said me and this baby aren't as important as his car even after it's fixed.
I don't say anything because at this point the question is raised in my mind and I go through all the excuses for him. Maybe it's not real to him, maybe he doesn't realize the baby could have died, he is a pizza delivery guy his car is important, etc. I decided not to judge immediately, but to observe.
April: There are baby appointments. He makes it to half of them and at one of them I find out that he's gotten back with his ex-girlfriend. I don't like her because when we met she looked at me and said something about not swimming because she didn't want her hair to get nappy. Among other things. She's racist against black people and she's black. Indicators of instability and just the kind of person I already know I don't get along with. I let him know I think it's a bad idea, what happens when she's like "she hasn't called you you don't have to go over there and help" He says he'll get rid of her (keep in mind at the time he told me he got a girlfriend, I didn't know it was his ex, didn't put two and two together he didn't say her name). I'm mentally noting all of this. So you find out you get a baby and the first priority in your life is girlfriend. What's this say about him? I've been single for over a year, he was single about 2 months. He has less will power/priorities are jacked. I'm back to watching.
Later in April: I find out that he and that girl broke up, apparently she wants to have a baby with him (remember what I said about unstable!) and that freaked him out, all they'd been doing is arguing because she wants more time from him, etc etc. I said okay. I think we should meet every week so that we can get to know each other better before this kids born. I didn't find out his real name until forms had to be filled out. This is an awful situation.
Even later in April; they get back together. Meanwhile this entire time he's missing appointment or being late and missing them, and sending me random texts. "Hey, how ya doing". I tell him "fine". or "fine got out of work" or "tired, just got done with PT". The texts come every 2 weeks to a month. I note this too.
May: So it's been a few months and I don't think this guy is going to do what he said in the beginning. He keeps sporadically texting me, I keep responding, and he tells me that the girlfriend of his wants to be friends with me because she wants to be a part of his life. I tell him no. She can be a part of his life all she wants. I have nothing to do with that. Later on I let him know that I don't like it that she wants to use be to make their relationship better and I don't appreciate that or think that's okay. He knows that and thought it was cool enough to even ask. That bothered me because this further lets me know what kind of person he is. Listen to and do whatever the girlfriend says. This is not conducive to being a good father and is a precourser to major levels of drama. Also she's helping him with everything. He likes it. It's cool with getting taken care of by a woman. Very adult male right? NO. Not in my book. I already know how that ends. She helps him, he helps me and then she thinks she helped me. He may be fine with being in her debt. I'm not.
June: Same random texts. I still respond. A week ago we meet up. I tell him all of this stuff all over again. I get accused of being "cold" and distant. Really? Nothing different's going on now that did in the beginning, but this is somehow my fault? He says he initiated the texts. I say okay you did, You have a girlfriend and a life without me, I'm not going to text you or call you for no reason. Really call the guy that's laid up after a hernia surgery to help me? Call the guy with no money to help me buy something for the baby? No. It's not my job to make him be a father, he's been working on his relationship while I've been getting ready for a baby. He started college. I asked him how is he supposed to pay for a baby and do college and he said his girlfriends helping. I reminded him of what I thought of that. A few days later I got a call from him saying that he's going to back off until he's sure the baby's his. I told him okay. Then called him back and let him know I didn't think he was doing the right thing. He told me he didn't want his mom's feelings to get hurt, I told him that whatever nice future there could have been is gone now. I'm insulted and pissed off. He went from this is my baby to that and then said he was trying to talk to me through those texts. I asked him, how was I supposed to get he was trying to talk about the baby and what we were going to do that through hey how ya doing? I'm not psychic. My Ms. Cleo powers are fresh out.
Today. I'm less mad. I already saw this coming when he got back with his girlfriend. I'm sure between his insecurities and her saying the kid might not be his and whoever else has been talking in his ear this was going to happen. Problem comes is what I need to do. Mixed opinions are about. Many people say I should get at minimum child support from him (I'm sure this is his kid, he was the only person I had sex with) but that gives him rights to visitation and I'm leaving this city in the next year or so. He doesn't have any money so I'd probably have to pay to send the kid to him or the child support will be like $20 anyway because he's a student and pizza delivery guy (no that's not how we met). After abandoning us now, why should it be easy for him to be a part of our lives? What about anything that he's done or in this case hasn't done warrant just letting him back in after a test? He doesn't act like a father now, what's going to make him later? I can save me and my baby the drama of him and his poor decisions and half assedness if I just don't talk to him at all. I think I still want to get the paternity test just so I can show it to him and then be like you're not going to ever see your daughter. You made your bed now sleep in it. That's what happens when you choose your girlfriend over your baby asshole. I'm not that mean though so I'm at an impasse.
What do you think of this whole situation? Most guys think "I don't know what your problem is, you don't want to be with him, what's wrong with him getting a girlfriend?" What's wrong is that shifts his priorities from his child. He's automatically less of a father. That's what's wrong with the girlfriend and that's just the tip. She's the kind to not let her kid get a shot to help him. She also left her kid with her now ex-husband who isn't even the father of her son. She's not a fit mother, I don't want her around my kid.
A lot of females can see my perspective. Plus it's not about the girlfriend or even me. This kid should have a father, but is a half there bringing disappointment after disappointment, only there on birthdays and Christmas father better than not having one at all? All year long the kid will ask about daddy, when daddy doesn't want to be there. I'll have to pick up the mess and be hated for all of that. Or he can just not be there. Either way sucks for my baby and that's why I'm mad at him today. I'm mad because either way he's robbing my daughter of a daddy.
Here are the photos of my honey so far:
Week 16 of being pregnant
Week 17 of being pregnant below
The baby at 9 weeks I think?
The baby at 12 weeks
In June when I found out the sex of the Baby at 17 weeks and some days
At 19 weeks bones are coming in well
Trying on first Maternity Dress
Yea, I'm liking the dress :)
Anyhow. I'll keep ya'll posted. I'm already researching Arizona Laws to see what my options are. Hope ya'll have a nice day! Ps. I'm due November 11th.
